Dora, You Idiot
by Maranareef
Summary: The title says it all. Another set of rants to go on this Category. Sorry, but it had to be done.


A/N: Froststar423 (Frosty) and I (Reef) are writing a fan fiction together. **TOGETHER WE SHALL RULE THE UNIVERSE!!!! **Therefore, there will be two types of fonts. One will be bold, which will be Froststar, and regular font will be me, Maranareef.

**Cutting in: Me! Okay, so am I the only one wondering about this crazy immigrant that goes around "helping/enslaving" the inhabitants of the odd bilingual world of today? I mean, talking backpacks and maps are a stretch, but honestly. BILINGUAL talking backpacks and maps!!!! Really!**

So in case you haven't noticed, this is a Dora the Explorer rant. /end authors note

~*~

To start this off, Dora the Explorer is a children's show based on teaching 2-5 year olds how to be bilingual-

**- and how to be a dorky explorer!!!**

--cough- Um, thanks, Frosty. Aaaanyway, I doubt that little children will be able to learn a full language when Dora only uses it in dire situations, like when she can't find the tree or lake that's right behind her.

**Speaking of things behind her- SWIPER! Okay, a little backstory: **

**Swiper: *"creeping up" on Dora (who is like, five, CREEPY!)* **

**Dora: Do YOU see Swiper?**

**Viewer: Nope. Obviously this show cannot cure my blindness.**

**Swiper: *is like, in front of Dora***

**Dora: I don't see Swiper! Do you?**

**Viewer: Must I repeat myself?! I am *uses colorful language***

**Swiper: Haha! *grabs Boot's boots (stupid name, btw)***

**Boots: NOOOOO! HE'S STOLEN MY IDENTITY!!! *runs away crying***

**Swiper: *throws boots like, flippin' behind them* HA! NOW YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!**

**Dora: Oh no!**

**~~ Get the picture? Swiper= terrible thief AND a terrible sneaker. More on the rotten little blue (I'm not racist) dude later.**

(Just to say so, we are watching the Wiggles and I'm afraid my brain will either explode or rot if I continue to watch it.)

Anyway, Swiper IS a pretty pathetic thief. I think Dora needs to get her eyes checked if she can't see that Swiper threw the book/boots/map right behind her. If she shows up on the next show wearing huge nerd glasses, I won't be surprised.

**I know, right? Now, as promised: the freakish blue dude. *Sigh* This monkey, is very likely a mythical dragon, escaped from the Middle Ages, hiding in the body of a blue monkey. Well, I once thought this, but I have a new answer. IT'S DORA'S FAULT!!!! Basically- well, you know those stars Dora enslaved? She wished upon one of those, and, after torturing it, she had a dragon. Still, those parents of hers had to draw a line somewhere, you know? So, after pitching a HUGE fit, she eventually convinced her parents to turn the dragon into a monkey. A BLUE monkey. I mean no offense to any dragons out there! Boots is not a great character. I haven't found out what happened with the transformation, but Boots turned into a wimp. Sorry.**

What an insult to dragons everywhere! You know I have a thing for them. If I had a dragon, I wouldn't waste my time trying to turn him into blue monkey who thinks he's brave or super smart or something just because he's bilingual or something. I should find a nice little therapist to refer him to-

**NOOO! NO THERAPISTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

- Ehhem. AS I WAS SAYING, I should find a nice therapist to-

**!!!!**

-*says it really fast* . I think that he would be excited to go sit in a padded room and vent out all of his problems. They would probably go something like this:

Boots: "Swiper stole my boots…"

Therapist: "And how did that make you feeeeeeel?"

Boots: "Scared! And then he threw them over my head and-"

Therapist: "And how did that make you feeeeeel?"

Boots: "Um, kind of worried that he would hit me. But then he laughed at me and ran away!"

Therapist: "And how did that make you feeeeeel?"

Boots: -has a psycho tantrum and screams, he stands, still in the straight jacket, and attempts to attack the therapist, who runs around saying, "And how does this make you feeeeeel?"

**I'll tell you what, Bob the Builder has some issues to, what with Wendy who does… um, NOTHING! And the tools-**

-Uh, isn't that for another rant, Frosty?

**Oh yeah. Okiedokie. THE TOOLS DO EVERYTHING!!! HE DOES NOTHING!!!!!! CAN WE BUILD IT??? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

ENOUGH! If you want to end up like that therapist up there, keep going! :[

**Omg, guess what?**

What the heck do you want now?!

**Look! Penguin. (") Is it pretty, or what?**

Or what.

**Uhhh. I don't get it.**

I think you have serious problems. I know what would fix it. Go start a kids show about bilingual children with blue monkeys and talking objects with animal friends. OHWAIT. That's what we were SUPPOSED to be talking about!

**Good point. I shall go back on topic. I think I'll call it: The Bilingual Show!!!! Would you guys watch it?**

I think I'm going to end the rant here, seeing as Frosty- AHHHHHGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! -head explodes-

**Dang it. Bob the Builder came on and her brain exploded. Sorry. Ew, do I have to clean that up?**


End file.
